Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Beware: Five Shows Not to Watch During Dinner!

Have you ever sat down in front of the TV excited to watch an amazing hour of television accompanied by a delicious mouth watering meal? Has that meal ever been ruined due to the fact that the stories told or images on the screen made you sick to your stomach? You are now forced to either a) stop eating b) stop watching or c) keep eating and watching without being able to enjoy either! After having this happen to me way too many times, I have decided to help out the world and advise you on the top five shows not to watch while eating.

5) Law and Order: SVU- I love this show. I love Benson, I love Stabler, and most of all I love Alex Cabot. That said there are very few things that make me as ill as pedophilia and rape. The show is not as graphic as many others; we do not often see people getting tortured or raped. What makes my stomach churn while watching SVU is how it reveals the darkest side of human nature. There are episodes that are burned into my brain that, when I think about years after, still make me feel queasy. One of these episodes is called “Slaves” where a man keeps a teenage girl in a box only to take her out to torture and rape her. Watch at your own discretion.

4) Kitchen Nightmares- I think the reason for this show being on the list is pretty straight forward. I mean, who doesn’t want to watch a restaurant violating every sanitary code in existence while sitting on their couch eating some yummy take-out. I have seen raw chicken next to veggies and old carcasses just sitting around the walk-in fridge. Also when Ramsey does his first tasting at the restaurant the food not only looks unappetizing but Chef Ramsey often will spit food out. Yum!

3) Dexter- I have never been able to watch someone eat a steak, cut through runny eggs or juice a grapefruit the same way after watching the intro to Dexter. The extreme-closeups of every move Dexter makes reveals how, from a different angle, our average morning routine can look incredibly grotesque.
Remember guys, this is before the show even starts! There are two more things that make this show so hard to swallow. First is the scum of the earth that Dexter hunts. These guys are monsters that kill and rape and torture. The second is watching Dexter saw apart and throw their bodies into the ocean.

2) Bones- You know when a show is pre-empted with “Viewers Discretion Advised” that something out of the ordinary is gonna go down. There is always an amazingly grotesque sight to see in the first act of Bones. I am pretty sure the one that disgusted me the most was from this season 6, where there was a dead body inside a chocolate bar.

As I yelped out “I AM NEVER EATING CHOCOLATE AGAIN” my friend was not as affected because she already hates chocolate (I know she is crazy right?). There are so many maggots crawling around bodies in this show that I suggest they should get a shout out in the opening credits.

1) Fringe- Imagine that it is a cozy night. You just made a beautiful Chicken Parmesan (chicky chicky parm parm) and have sat down to watch Fringe for the first time, starting from the pilot. You have you computer behind your plate, you press play and you start digging in to your hot meal. Everything is going smoothly until 2 minutes in a man throws up and his skin starts to melt off his bones.

You look down at the plate with mozzarella cheese stretched between the pieces of chicken you are cutting and you no longer see it as yummy melted cheese. So yeah that was my first experience with Fringe. I dropped my utensils on the plate, paused the episode, walked to get some water and was done eating for the night. Season 1 of Fringe never ceased to amaze me with the disgusting phenomena of the human body!

What do you guys think? Any shows I missed? Any shows you disagree with? Let me know.



Xerophytes said...

WEAK! lol.

I stuffed myself with food everytime I watch Bones, Dexter and Fringe. The most disturbing scene for me of Fringe is in Jacksonville episode.

Love it.

Alphabetsoup said...

You have a MUCH stronger stomach than I!!

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