Pretty Little Liars 2x02: "Time Lords and Green Houses"

The Greenhouse Effect:  A door eerily slams as the Liars huddle together in the magical greenhouse. Vines hang down from the ceiling, ready strangle them; this is one of the many obstacles the Liars must defeat if they want to obtain the Philosopher’s Stone. Wait, sorry; this is not a magical greenhouse, just a normal creepy abandoned one. Rocks start storming down from the sky onto the glass ceiling and the Liars make the smart decision of evacuating the building.

On their stroll home they spy the newly cast Jason DiLaurentis throwing every single belonging in his house into recycling bins. (Hey, at least he recycles) How did Jason get his old house back? Did Maya’s parents want out of the haunted house so badly that they gave it to him? Did he buy the house because of all its precious memories? The Liars let that mystery go because they have too many mysteries in their life as it is. 

The Ashley Marin Guide to Parenting: Hanna begins her day complaining about the whole shrink situation. She asks her mother why she is forced to go to therapy when Ashley herself does not believe in the stuff. Ms. Marin answers with the sage wisdom of “Because most of life consists of putting up with something.” One of these “somethings” could be sleeping with a crooked cop to get your daughter’s shoplifting charge dropped. Another possible “something” may include stealing money from an old dead woman’s deposit box.  Ashley tells Hanna that her absentee father is going to be stopping by because apparently “when a story about your daughter and a dead corpse is on the front page of the newspaper, that is the fatherly thing to do.”

Blue Screen of Death: The next demonstration of parenting styles is provided by Mrs. Fields. Emily’s phone must stay in the dining room during non school hours. Emily may have thought that her mother’s rule was harsh, but let me tell you, the worst was yet to come. Emily turns on her computer and is confronted with the Blue Screen of Death.  There are very few things in this universe that are more evil than the Blue Screen of Death (the only one to come to mind at the moment is Voldemort). 

The naïve little Emily tries to press keys on her laptop to make it go away, but it is no use. It is apparent Emily is living in an age where people milk cow and use keratin lamps instead of electricity because she never thought of backing up her hard drive.

During lunch the four girls stand in line waiting for cafeteria food, whispering secrets to each other.  When I first saw this scene I thought that it looked really familiar, and then I realized it looks just like the intro shot where they are standing in a line behind the coffin.  

When Hanna goes to sit down next to Aria, the other Liars freak out because they can’t be seen together. Instead, the girls stand around the table whisper arguing about whether it is okay to sit together or not. Just as each girl finds her own table they all receive a text from A reading “Look at you, all alone in a crowd. I win!” Wow A, you are a bitch. I hope you eat all of your lunches in the bathroom stall by yourself.

Toby and Spencer’s Love: Spencer spots Toby on campus and gets excited but he is just there to pick up GED forms. Toby got a construction job so he is moving up in the world. Spencer is so excited that her man got a hot sexy construction working job that she stakes out the construction site to spy on him. Unfortunately, for both her and Toby, Toby’s first day of work is also his last. The father of the house being renovated threatened to fire the whole construction crew if Toby didn’t get the sack. Toby and Spencer make sad eyes at each other and have a pity part for two.  

A Small Popcorn: College girl Samara is at Rosewood to watch HS junior Emily swim in a meet**. Samara asks Emily for a dinner and a movie date but Emily is apprehensive due to the fact she is moving to Texas; she does not want to have a commitment. Samara is just like “I don’t need a commitment; I just like preying on HS girls.” The discussion gets interrupted by a recruiter from Danby U who is interested in Emily’s swimming. I had a really hard time watching this scene. Every time they said Danby U, all I heard was “Dan B.” who was on the men’s crew team in college.  So when Emily said “I don’t know a swimmer who isn’t interested in Danby,” I heard “I don’t know a swimmer who isn’t interested in Dan B.” It was very distracting.

Sam and Emily have a date at the only first date joint in Rosewood. This is the same theater that Maya and Emily had their first real date as well as the same place Aria, Aria’s mother and Fitz had their first date.  Emily brings up Maya and Samara assures Emily that “everyone has a Maya.” Really? Everyone has a first girlfriend who was shipped off to drug boot camp only to break up with them after they paid a skeevy guy to hack a phone just to talk her?  Okay Samara, I will take your word for it. 

Melissa and Jason?: Over at the Hastings Manor, Spencer and Melissa bond, for a quick second, over the delicious store bought brownie. The sisterly love quickly disappears when Spencer reveals that the brownies are meant for Jason and the conversation becomes very awkward. Melissa just goes “He is unreliable and sucks and you can’t trust him,” but in a “I am hiding something” sort of way. Do you think that Jason is the baby daddy? Maybe he and Melissa had a fling back in the day. Melissa gets annoyed when the conversation is turned to the subject of Ian and yells at Spencer to talk about normal teenage things “like weather, the deficit or gas prices.”

When Spencer delivers her “homemade” brownies to Jason she spots an adorable dog playing in the yard. She goes oohh and ahhh and is about to pet the cute puppy until Jason storm out of his house to chuck a newspaper at it. He screams at the scared dog to stay away. I can’t think of a better way to cause hatred for a character off the bat! Jason wants to know what happened up in the bell tower that night with Ian. Spencer tries to explain that Ian tried to pin the murder on her but Jason goes all psycho. He starts yelling at Spencer “Did he say the words? Did he spell out Red Rum on the mirror? Did he say it? Did he say it?” Finally Jason shoos Spencer away saying “Oh you have helped me out more than you know.”

The shot gets softer and lighter as the scene flows into an “Allison being a bitch” flashback. Jason is pissed that Ally broke into his room and stole his porn. Allison puts him in his place and Jason storms off. Her face is glowing as she revels in her ability to manipulate anyone. When her lapdogs friends wonder why Allison does not fear that Jason will retaliate, she responds with “Of course not; fear is a feeling and I have no feelings because I am a psychopath.” Okay, I made that one up. What she really says is just as creepy and scary though “When I hide something, it stays hid.”

Time Lord She is Not: Aria lounges around Fitz’s apartment so the young couple can “talk.” At first, Aria uses Ezra’s tardiness to her advantage and puts Fitz’s Hollis Diploma back in its rightful spot. After an hour has passes (demonstrated through the scene cutting from Aria on the couch to Aria on the chair to Aria standing up etc.) Aria calls Spencer, the Time Lord. She asks the Time Lord how long she should wait for Fitz to arrive. Just as Spencer is about to answer her Toby knocks on the door. Spencer hangs up on Aria proving that Aria is anything BUT a Time Lord. Finally, after a few more positions on the couch, Aria decides to ditch Fitz. Aria, EVERYONE knows if the teacher is 15 minutes late the class is dismissed!

Toby takes Spencer into the woods to talk about how Rosewood is filled with monsters. While sitting on a cliff they give us this beautiful shot of Rosewood.

Can we officially dub Toby a Pretty Little Liar? He is pretty and has been tortured by A as much as the girls have. I think he should be inducted.

While these two are out in the woods, Aria heads over to have some one on one time with Spencer. The smashed window, and the unlocked door, does not deter Aria from entering the house. As soon as she gets inside, A runs down the stairs, knocks Aria in the wall, and storms the-f off.

I am sorry but I have to bring this up. Emily is out on a date with a college student; Spencer is out in the woods with Toby; Aria is at her boyfriend’s apartment who also happens to be her teacher; and A is breaking into Spencer’s house and shoving girls into furniture. WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE PARENTS! Not only that but why would the Liars think their parents would get them in trouble for sitting together at lunch when all this shit happens at night!

Honna or Manna?: Hanna struts into Luke’s Diner where Mona is quietly sipping a coffee. Mona is like a sad little puppy without Hanna. The two make up even though a black cloud named Noel Kahn is hovering above their friendship. Hanna warns Mona to keep her guard up around Noel Kahn because he insane! All Mona hears from Hanna’s comments is “this means she still cares about me,” which is awfully cute. Hanna forgives Mona for all of her sins and transgressions. This is the first time in Mona’s life she has ever been forgiven and it makes her feel “all spiritual.” Mona asks Hanna to sit with her, and that music you hear in the background goes something like “Bow Chica BOW WOW!”

A Farewell to Fitz: Outside the rain is pouring down matching the tears Aria’s heart is shedding. It is the beloved Mr. Fitz last day at Rosewood High. Mr. Fitz opens his farewell present from Aria the class which is a copy of To Kill A Mocking Bird. Ezra starts to give a heartwarming goodbye speech which includes “I never expected to feel this loss from leaving you.” It is basically love letter to Aria, but given to his entire HS English class. At the end he stands in front of Aria’s desk and stares into her eyes as if she is the only person in the classroom. Suffice to say every other student is totally uncomfortable by this whole speech.

The school day ends and Aria sits alone in the Cafeteria.  After shifting her position a few more times, to demonstrate the passing time and her anxiousness, Aria swoops up her bag and runs into Ezra’s classroom in slow motion. Aria is crushed to see the room empty, but then a glimmer of light shines through the window. 

She stares out into that glimmering light and her eyes widen; out the classroom she runs in slow motion yet again. This time Aria’s destination is the school parking lot where Ezra is loading all of his possessions into the trunk. Aria leaps up into Ezra’s arms and the two embrace in a long and loving kiss. Little do they know this is actually a sting operation and there are cops surrounding them. The cops come and cuff Ezra for having inappropriate relations with a minor. Not only is he no longer a teacher but he is in jail. No that last part didn’t happen but it totally could have.

Harriet The Spy: When Spencer comes home she finds Melissa sitting on the same old couch. (From here on out, that couch will be dubbed “the pregnant couch.”)  Melissa tells Spencer that she lounged on the pregnant couch all day and did not leave the house. Spencer sniffs around a little bit and discovers that Melissa’s boots and raincoat are wet. Since Melissa did not shower in those clothes, the only way they would be wet would be if she went outside! Next Spencer finds a sonogram in Melissa’s jacket! This means she met with Ian who had to have stolen Emily’s camping gear. (Spencer is oh so smart.)  Spencer sends out a bat signal and the Liars meet again at the Greenhouse. Really girls, the Greenhouse! They never listen to anything I say, there is no point of my giving these girls advice anymore. Spencer tells the other girls the scoop, and Emily makes a really unintuitive remark about A. You know the one she usually makes that everyone already knows but they let her feel smart because she is so cute. The girls spot Jason replanting plants and putting up a privacy fence in the yard, on their walk home. He tells the Liars this fence is to “make people mind their own business.” Everyone tries to speculate what the fence could be for.

In the closing credits we see A petting that cute dog Jason tried to kill. I have watched this scene 4 times and each time I am scared A is going to break the dogs neck! Even though I know A  doesn’t!  What a way to end an episode.

Until next time,

APB

**The dumbass that I am somehow though "Sheridon Prep" was a college. They used the word "campus" to describe it and for me when I think "campus" I think college. My view of Samara has changed now knowing she is not a predator