College Fair:
It is college fair day at Roseweood High. Due to the fact that this day has optional attendance, I am very curious to see what percent of graduates end up going to college. Anyway, Aria and Emily decide to get a jump start on this special day and have a breakfast date in the cafeteria. Both girls have a bunch of Jason gossip to share with each other.
Emily: “Aria, where have you been? We snuck into Jason’s shed last night…”
Aria: “I kissed Jason. OMG, what should I do? Should I tell Fitz?”
Emily: “Before you tell Fitz anything, Spencer and I found a bagillion picture of you either sleeping or drugged in Jason’s shed. Probably both though. It was pretty scary.”
Aria: “Wait ew creepy.”
Emily: “He is probably the one who taught Mike how to steal pottery from a cops apartment. He is totally using Mike to get closer to you.” (Spencer sits down at the table) “SPENCER. ARIA KISSED JASON. THEY KISSED, THEY KISSED.”
Spencer and Aria leave Emily to eat her well balanced breakfast on her own. She pours the Alpha-Bits into her bowl and is shocked to see the only Alpha-Bit coming out are “A”s. Inside, she finds a note that read: “You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.”
Over at the Marin household Hanna informs her mother that Emily is stalking the swim team’s morning practice, hoping Paige will come and try to drown her. Ashley is now concerned about Emily’s well being.
Hanna: “I know she is stressed, but that bitch grinds her teeth all night. It is like sleeping next to a bus station.”
Ashley: “Hanna you should be a bit more sensitive, your boyfriend used to have to sleep at bus stations.”
Ashley decides to give Emily a gift certificate she has lying around for a free massage and then brings up Tom’s impending wedding. Hanna does not want to be a part of the wedding, but Ashley convinces her that it is the right thing to do. Way to go Ashley, you are becoming a stellar parent.
DramAria:
Aria sees Jason, marches straight up to him and asks “Why do you have pictures of me sleeping in your shed?” Wow, Aria has seriously grown some balls. Jason’s only response is “What? Your friends broke into my shed?” Wow Jason, not the response you should have given. Aria defends her friends’ actions for a second until she realizes that she has nothing to apologize for since Jason is the one with drugged out photos of her in his shed. Jason tells Aria that she is blowing this out of proportion, it was Ally who took those pictures.
Aria: “Wait Ally took those pictures. Emily will be devastated that Ally didn’t take some of her too. Well, if Ally took those pictures, why did you move everything? When my friends broke in for the second time, everything was gone.”
Jason: “Aria, be reasonable. That equipment is expensive; I can’t risk Mike stealing it. Also I wanted to frame the pictures of you sleeping and give them as a gift to you later. I was only thinking of you.”
Aria: “I am sorry for accusing you Jason. You were obviously just looking out for me. I can’t wait to see what frames you picked out for the prints.”
The camera pans to Jenna who is sitting behind a frosted glass window, listening to the conversation. Ruhh Rohh.
At the college fair, Ezra and Jackie are the two Hollis recruits. While Aria is perusing the various collegiate options, Ezra comes up behind her and whispers in her ear “We have a good arts program at Hollis and our teachers are very hands on.” Ew Ezra, when did you start making jokes about your pedophilia? Aria’s mind is still on the Jason kiss, so this Fitz confrontation is far too much for her to. She storms off, and Ezra marches after her. Aria then blurts out that she kissed Jason the night before and shit gets awkward quickly. Jackie saves the two from a public blowout which would also mean a public outing and the two girls are then left alone.
Aria heads on over to Luke’s Diner, where Jason creeps up behind her whispering “You’re not still scared of me, right?” He shows Aria the framed pictures of her sleeping which she finds “BEAUTIFUL.” Ugh, gag.. Jason tells her that he found a box of under Ally’s floor board with those negatives and other “girly stuff.” She can come over to his house right now if she wants to see it. (Anyone else reminded of Lane’s awesome CD collection that she hid under her floorboard. Oh, Gilmore Girls how I miss thee.)
N.A.T
Over at the Hastings’ Manor, Toby and Spencer are packing up all of Ian’s belongings. Toby is worried about Spence missing the college fair but she informs him that she has gone to it twice a year since she was in the womb; missing one won’t hurt. Toby unearths one of Ian’s old yearbooks and the two learn that Ian was a member of the “N.A.T” club. Spencer starts BUGGING when she reads this. She knows every club that ever existed in the school’s history! With her super sleuthing skills she discovers that both Garrett and Jason were also a part of this mysterious N.A.T.
Spencer is like a rabid dog after learning about the N.A.T. Toby tries to calm her down being like “Sweety you know I love you, but you are kinda bat shit crazy. I bet it was just a prank.” Spencer ignores him and keeps digging through the boxes until she finds a shirt that says “Nos Animadverto Totus.”
Toby: “You are super smart and took Latin, so you know what that means right?”
Spencer: “Of course I took AP Latin and of course I got a 5 on the test, but I need to search Bing to find the translation. Wow, Bing’s search engine is so quick and precise and has informed me that it means “We See All.”
At this point, Toby is officially as creeped out as Spencer is. Spencer now believes that Jason and Garrett were involved in the voyeurism of Rosewoods young woman. To clear their minds of all the N.A.T. yuckiness they just discovered, the two head to town for a pizza where they see Jaria at Luke’s Diner. It is time for Spencer to break Jaria up for good.
Spencer storms over to Rosewood High, finds Ezra’s car parked right out front, and jumps inside. Fitz is utterly confused at why Spencer is in his car, or just confused at where the shoulders of Spencer’s shirt went.
Spencer: “I have to tell you two things. One of these things you don’t know I know and may send you to jail. The other, you may know I know. So, Okay, I know about you and Aria.”
Ezra: (wide eyed) “Excuse me?”
Spencer: “Ez, you really didn’t think we didn’t know you were dating Aria? You don’t hide it all that well.”
Ezra: (gives Spencer a reprimanding glare).
Spencer: “I’m sorry. Mr. Fitz, you didn’t really think we didn’t know you were dating Aria? You don’t hide it all too well.”
Ezra: “Better. Thank you.”
Spencer: “Okay, just listen to me. Aria’s in danger!”
Ella sees Fitz and Spencer having this intimate conversation in the car. I wonder could be going through Ella’s mind?
These Hand Are Not My Own:
Hanna brings Emily the gift certificate and tells her “My mom thinks you need to relax.” Emily responds with “What? I am relaxed. Do I not look relaxed? What makes you think I am not relaxed?” She is so stressed out that she can’t even open her locker. When she finally is able to pry that thing open an avalanche of books tumble on top of her. Luckily Dr. Anne is in the building today and comes to Emily’s rescue. She tells Emily that she is happy to talk to Emily again, whenever she needs although Emily is no longer her patient. Does that mean Emily will have to pay for these talks? Will insurance cover it?
It is now massage time. Emily gets to a warmly lit room, where an attractive young lady is waiting for her:
Woman: “Take your time to get comfortable. You can lie face down between the sheets when you are ready”
Emily: “Sure.”
Woman: “First time?”
Emily: “That obvious, huh?”
Woman: “Trust me. You will love it. You let me know if the pressure is right. We’ll start easy.”
Finally, Ems is getting some action. But really that is discussion with the masseuse verbatim. After a little bit of a wait, the “masseuse” comes in to give Ems a much needed massage. Em’s is totally into and is happy to relieve some tension.
A little while after Emily’s massage is over, the original masseuse enters the room and apologizes for the wait. Emily freaks out curls into the fetal position while clinging onto all of her white covers. She looks over at the cup of water and someone has written “A” in the condensation from the glass.
As Emily leaves the spa, more relaxed than ever, she gets a text from A “See how easy it is for me to get my hands around your neck.” A, can you please lay off Emily for an episode. You haven’t tortured Spencer in a while. I bet she is feeling a bit left out at this point.
Riding Horses:
Hanna decides to be the bigger person, and try on bridesmaids dresses for her father’s wedding. She brings Mona along with her because, let’s face it, there is no one she would rather undress in front of. Just as the two girls are ragging on how ugly the dress is Kate struts into the dressing room. (Yes that is totally Colbie Chandler from AMC. Thank TheLinster for first pointing that out!)
Kate: “I didn’t know you were going to be here trying on dresses, why aren’t you at school?”
Hanna: “Psh, we have an optional college fair. I don’t need to go though. I am going to pick my college like I pick my clothing… by stealing them.”
Kate: “Oh, wow. Well I am not in school because I already took my 10 AP tests. Tell your friend Spencer she has competition for being the smartest girl on the show.
Kate invites Mona and Hanna to “lunch at the club” and Mona screams out yes, before Hanna can scream out no. H. It turns out the “club” she was referring to was a horse riding club. On the drive over, Mona was telling Kate her “One time, at horse camp” stories so Kate decides to nix the lunch and just go riding. Hanna has a hard time even getting up on the horse. Bitsy and Marg-ox give Hanna a death glare as she struggle to mount the horse. Mona shoos the other girls, telling them to go ahead. She can take care of Hanna and show her the ropes all by herself.
Turns out, Mona has never actually gone to horse riding camp. The two lost their horses and are stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Mona you don’t fool me. I know you just wanted to get some time alone with Hanna in the woods. Finally Mona and Hanna make it back to the club house, and Hanna is fed up with Mona and her step-sister to be. She starts bitching about Kate, her mom Isahell, and Kate’s sidekicks. As Hanna is bitching, she realizes that this conversation is being broadcast to the entire club. As I have stated many times before, I do not do well watching confrontations like this on TV. I was hiding under my blanket while watching this scene. Hanna goes out to apologize to Kate, but she does an about face, and marches the other way; with her two minions by her side.
Hanna gets home and immediately reaches for a snack pack. Ashley is suspicious when she sees her daughter gobbling down this sugary filled snack. Next thing you know the phone rings and Kate Chandler is one the phone. She tells Hanna that she is going to train her like a horse and take all the fight out of her until she is truly broken. I just had a bad flashback to reading Equus in 10th grade.
Fitz To the Rescue:
Jason brings Aria go to find Ally’s creepy hidden box. Aria is about to walk into the house when Jason remembers that he put the box in the unlocked wood shed, that got broken into the previous night. For safe keeping of course. Jason waves for her to come along with him, but Aria decides that it is probably safer for her to wait outside. Ezra zooms through the DiLaurentis driveway and jumps out of his car. He explains to her that Spencer told him she was going to be here, and that everyone is worried about her safety. Aria swoons. Ezra decides that in order for them to keep their relationship healthy, that they need to admit to Ella and Byron about their relationship. Jason emerges from the bushes with Allison’s box in hand. Before Ezra and Jason have a full on duel, Ezria leaves the DiLaurentis abode a happy couple.
The honeymoon phase only lasts a short few minutes for though. In her room, Aria looks through Ally’s box and pulls out a creepy doll.
Ella walks in and tells Aria, that Mike is going to start seeing a therapist. Aria assures her mom that she will tell Mike that “Everyone my age goes to a therapist, it’s the coolest. You ain’t cool unless you see a therapist.” Ella has one more question for Aria before she leaves though.
Ella: Before Mr. Fitz left for Hollis there were rumors he was dating a student. I thought these were just lies girls made up because he is young and so hunky. I mean. I wanted to date him for a little bit if you remember.
Aria: (Stares at her mother in disbelief).
Ella: Is there something you want to tell me about Mr. Fitz… and Spencer?
Aria: Psh, are you serious mom, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard.
Ella: I’m serious Aria, are they involved.
Aria: Mom, I know for a FACT they are not together. Spencer used to have a thing for older guys, but she is with Toby now. What even made you think that?
Ella: I saw them having an intimate discussion in his car outside of the school in public.
Aria: If Fitz was dating a student he would never have her get into his car right outside of the school. Making out in a parking lot is more of his style. But like you said, if Fitz was to date a student it wouldn’t be too bad right?
Ella: Aria, dating your student is still wrong. I will never forgive him if he dated a student. Ever!
Aria: Mom, can you excuse me. I have to call someone and tell him it is a bad idea to come over for dinner tonight.
Jenna in the House:
She jumps three feet in the air when she sees Jenna quietly sitting on her living room couch.
Jenna: “Hello there Spencer. Your mother let me in.”
Spencer: “Highly unlikely. My mom is never home.”
Jenna: “I thought we had an agreement. Ian is dead. Stop digging you adorably cute hungry little terrier. What you are doing is dangerous. Also I know you are sending Toby to search through my room. Just remember, I tapped that way before you did!”
Spencer: “Time for you to leave. Tell Garret I say hi!”
Yup Jenna, your affair with Garrett is officially out of the bag. I know she is blind and is wearing sunglasses, but my skin burned from the glare she gave Spencer. Jenna runs from Spencer’s house straight to Garrett’s car where they discuss the dilemma. The only way of dealing with it is talking to Jason.
Massage Aftermath:
Over at Hanna’s, Spencer and Hanna try to pry ‘A’ information and comfort Emily at the same time.
Spencer: “Em, here is some hot tea with rum in it. Take small sips, we don’t want a repeat of the dance-a-thon.”
Emily: “If only I looked up we would know who A is. It was my first time so I didn’t find it weird for someone to massage me for 30 minutes and not say a word.”
Hanna: So did A have girls hands or guys hands?
Emily: I don’t know, I thought girl, but now I don’t know.
Hanna: “Do you need to take another shower? Maybe if I come in with you, you will be able to figure out what sex A’s hands are. I mean, having another set of hands to compare with can’t hurt.”
Emily: “I would love that Hanna, but I think 5 showers are enough, I don’t want my skin to dry out.”
Spencer: “I feel gross and need a shower too; shift all of your attention to me now girls. Can you believe a Rosewood cop helped Ian film us? Maybe A is a group of people playing for the same team.”
Didn’t Spencer have that hypothesis back in the day when “‘A’ MOVED A WHOLE TREE!” Anyway, Spencer goes downstairs to let Aria in, and apologize. The two girls apologize to each other at the same time, so it is hard to decipher who says what. All that matters is this dialogue:
Spencer: “I just did it because I was nervous, and you, you’re really tiny. And I love you.”
Aria: “I love you too”
How cute! What did you guys think of this episode? Let me know below.
Later,
APB
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